Your friends and your relationship. 

You can’t spend all your time together, but you also can’t just decide to “hang out” when one person seems to need you. I honestly believe that people in a healthy relationship require time apart, so they can be comfortable with themselves, they should hang out with their friends to still maintain that social lifestyle but also know when it’s time to spend the rest of the time with their significant other. The great thing about good relationships is that it’s easy to balance everything, especially when you want to hang out with the other because you want to, not because you have to. You should never contact the other person because you feel like you have to, that means you’re being controlled and not being honest with either party. 

-disclaimer: You may skip this part if you’re not interested in my personal experience-

I’ve decided to write this post because my boyfriend and I have discovered this issue. It’s not a problem, it’s more of an adjustment we have to make. Besides the fact that we’re already in a long-distance relationship, complicating many of the things that would seem “normal” to couples, he’s moved out of his house and his group of friends are more accesible. I have not yet moved into my college and have been staying home for most of my summer. I’m sure we’ll go through the same thing once I start school and again we’ll have to reevaluate this situation and how to make the most of it. Our primary form of talking is through Skype, secondary being through Aim and texts. Up until now we’ve spent almost every day talking for at least an hour, it’s become almost of a given, I was used to it, it was to be expected of the day. Needless to say, I never didn’t want to talk to him, I always looked forward to the time where we would take a break from whatever we were doing to focus on each other, or talk to each other while doing other things. He didn’t go out as much because he lived far from everyone, and I was in the situation so it all worked. About a month ago, he moved into an apartment with one of his closest friends and now spontaneously hangs out with his other friends often very late. Perhaps the fact that I’m used to having some sort of a plan is the reason why sometimes it makes me worried, sometimes I feel like I never know when the next time we’re gonna talk is. Of course, after actually communicating with him about this, he has reassured me that it would never be for an extended period of time, since he wouldn’t be able to take it himself. I always feel guilty asking “when will you be home” or “when will we talk” and I do feel silly asking him, to which I simply don’t, or very rarely which in turn causes problems. If I don’t tell him, he may not know that I actually want to and won’t always designate time for me. My reverse thought is well he doesn’t tell me so why should I? 

My boyfriend has told me countless times that it’s ok to ask if he can come home. But I know after at least our discussion yesterday that he is now aware that sometimes he must tell me that he wants to come home to speak to me, and that he must act upon it and not worry about his friends. If they’re his friends, sure they might tease him a bit, but they’ll understand. A long-distance relationship really is about sacrifices sometimes, but that also doesn’t mean that that is a bad thing. It’s taught the both of us how far you can go for someone else that really matters to you. We both know that we can go out and hangout with friends but we make days where we just spend them together at home, that’s our form of “hanging out”. We’ll eat meals “together”, we’ll laugh, we’ll tell stories, we’ll have serious discussions, everything really. But it all comes with time and patience. 

You have to tell you partner every concern you have, really most often if you don’t they’ll never know!